Sometimes, I wonder if I have more than bipolar disorder. I know I have anxiety. That much is true. But the thought that I may have to live my entire life dependent on medication is scary. I know some techniques to use to relieve stress. But sometimes relieving stress isn't enough. What do I do about the times when I feel I've "gone off the deep end"? I know this fear is irrational, at least for the time being.

Going to the hospital when I had the episode helped me. The staff, for the most part, were nice. That really nice lady even brought her dog in to visit us. He was a therapy dog, and he was the cutest thing. But it made me sad, seeing someone else's dog. Reminded me how much I missed my own dog. I know why I don't want to go back, just not why I am afraid of it.

I've read the horror stories. Perhaps reading "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" wasn't the best thing. Still, it was a great book. I loved it. I couldn't stop turning the pages. I haven't really expressed these fears to anyone, at least not with real emotion: only to my mother and my best friend. It wasn't easy, but I couldn't exactly stop it. Sometimes emotions come out and you have to let them. Keeping them in does more harm than good. So I vow to do my best to make myself happy. I vow to do my best in life. I've been given life, so I need to live life to it's fullest. I need to stop fearing whatever it is that I am afraid of and move on.