Sometimes, I wonder if I have more than bipolar disorder. I know I have anxiety. That much is true. But the thought that I may have to live my entire life dependent on medication is scary. I know some techniques to use to relieve stress. But sometimes relieving stress isn't enough. What do I do about the times when I feel I've "gone off the deep end"? I know this fear is irrational, at least for the time being.

Going to the hospital when I had the episode helped me. The staff, for the most part, were nice. That really nice lady even brought her dog in to visit us. He was a therapy dog, and he was the cutest thing. But it made me sad, seeing someone else's dog. Reminded me how much I missed my own dog. I know why I don't want to go back, just not why I am afraid of it.

I've read the horror stories. Perhaps reading "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" wasn't the best thing. Still, it was a great book. I loved it. I couldn't stop turning the pages. I haven't really expressed these fears to anyone, at least not with real emotion: only to my mother and my best friend. It wasn't easy, but I couldn't exactly stop it. Sometimes emotions come out and you have to let them. Keeping them in does more harm than good. So I vow to do my best to make myself happy. I vow to do my best in life. I've been given life, so I need to live life to it's fullest. I need to stop fearing whatever it is that I am afraid of and move on.

History 101: Don't always trust your sources

So, what is it about war that people find glorifying? Why is it that a man in uniform is a hero? I must admit, though, that some men do look rather sharp in their uniforms. But that is besides the point. War is...pointless. There is nothing redeeming about war. But war is what we were taught in school. Everything in history class is taught from war to war. In U.S History, we start with things like the French and Indian war, the War of 1812 and eventually move on to the Revolutionary War. I can't help thinking whether there was a peaceful way for America to break away from England. Did we really have to fight a goddamn war?

Imagine what that says about us. We are a country made from War. Innocent people- on both sides- lost their lives. It is hard to say what side is bad and what is good. Yet, from an early age we are taught that the bad guys are the British. The British wouldn't let the Colonies be free, so they had be evil. Seriously?  They were only trying to maintain order. And perhaps keep the Colonials from paying taxes. I highly doubt that wasn't on the agenda somewhere.

But, back to my point: We are taught at an early age to hate the British with a passion, at least in history class. In textbooks, the Redcoats are often painted as the instigators of the violence. Well, sometimes they were and sometimes they weren't. It is not right to point fingers. And most history teachers (and the school board) will probably tell you that they do no such thing. There is no hidden agenda. It's just so much a part of our culture, that's what it is. In history classes all over the country, especially the ones in elementary schools, kids are learning about the "faults" of the British and the "triumphs" of the Colonies. No small-pox infected blankets, here. 

WTF? When did history class become manifest destiny? Students learn in second, third grade that they live in the America because the Colonials fought for our right to live her. Yes, they did. But what about the Native Americans, who we forced into reservations? Honestly, not many students know about those, even high school students. It's so preposterous that the public school system paints a picture of America that they want us to see, mass produces it and then gives it to us on a silver platter. "Here: this is history for you."

World History was my favorite class in high school and for obvious reasons. While the British fought wars to protect their lands, you didn't really hear the words "manifest destiny". I am not trying to justify war on either side, or for any reason. Yet I like history more when the truth is presented. The truth, I must say, is hard to find in only one textbook or from only one class. If you have a good teacher, you learn both sides in due time. But if you really want to know history you have to learn on your own. You have to learn how to really read a high school history textbook. What your teacher probably didn't tell you was that your text book is basically "history written by the victors". If you're lucky, you get a textbook that is actually a somewhat fair portrayal of what actually happened.

Obama!

This has been one amazing week. First, on Tuesday, Obama won by a landslide. There was a huge celebration on the Residential Quad. People screamed, cheered, hollered, hugged, kissed....it was one hell of a celebration. But who could blame them? After eight years of misery, America is finally...well, almost...free.

We finally have a black president. We can now join the ranks of the rest of the world who have already surpassed us in this genre. Perhaps America is ready to overlook race and ethnicity, and bring about real change. Electing Barack Hussein Obama is definitely a start. This has been one tumultuous election. First, people claim that he doesn't have enough experience. True, he doesn't have that much. But Cheney had tons of experience, and look what he did to America. The same goes for Donald Rumsfeld.

Who cares that his middle name is Hussein? Just because he has a Muslim middle name, and one that bears resemblance to that of Saddam, doesn't mean he is a terrorist. He cares about America. He cares about the working class.

Also....what does the color of his skin have to do with anything? I voted for him. I am not black. I voted for him because I thought he was the best candidate for the job. Finally, we don't have the same person in the Oval Office- an old white guy with a receding hairline. Change. Change is good.

As Obama puts it, there is nothing wrong with hope. I wholeheartedly agree with you, Mr. Obama and I am honored to have voted for you.